The Emotional Journey Of Surrogacy: Supporting Intending Parents And Surrogates

Achieving the dream of parenthood can be an easily realized wish for some, but alternatives like surrogacy may be the chosen path for others.  Among family-building alternatives, surrogacy or gestational pregnancy is a remarkably compassionate and powerful choice. Human connections are at the heart of this process – indeed, the emotional journey, every bit as critical as the physical one, makes surrogacy a unique and profound experience.

This is where a holistic surrogacy program for intended parents comes into play because it is not just a medical procedure or a financial transaction but an emotional process that involves creating a partnership based on trust, compassion, and support.

This article takes a closer look into the emotional facets of surrogacy, outlining ways to extend the necessary support for both intending parents and surrogates.  

Understanding The Emotional Roller Coaster 

The surrogacy journey is an emotional roller coaster, fraught with heightened feelings ranging from excitement and anticipation to fear and anxiety. For intended parents, who had carefully weighed their options before deciding that surrogacy is the right fit for them, excitement and anticipation may intermingle with feelings of fear and anxiety.  

For intended fathers whose sperm will be used and intended mothers whose fertilized eggs will be implanted in a surrogate, this is an opportunity to be biologically connected to the baby, a welcome alternative to adoption.  

Likewise, surrogates might oscillate between joy at helping create a family and concerns over pregnancy’s physical and emotional demands. A well-structured surrogacy program provides resources and support to navigate these turbulent emotions, guiding all parties involved. 

Surrogacy is more than a nine-month waiting game; it’s a voyage marked by various milestones. These crucial stages, if managed well, can pave the way for smoother transitions:  

  • Before the Surrogacy Process 

Parents should have access to counselling services to help them cope with negative emotions, such as grief, anxiety, or fear of losing control. Surrogates should also receive counselling to help them understand the emotional impact of surrogacy, set boundaries, and prepare for any unexpected outcomes. 

  • During the Surrogacy Process 

Parents and surrogates should have access to mental health professionals throughout the process. This includes legal and medical procedures and any unforeseen circumstances that may arise. 

  • After the Surrogacy Process 

Both intending parents and surrogates need support after the surrogacy process. This involves counselling services and other support groups to help them cope with lingering emotions. Post-surrogacy support also includes helping the surrogate and intending parents transition back to their regular lives. 

It is often the unknown and self-talk that erodes peace of mind. With a surrogacy program that can answer questions promptly and transparently, nagging thoughts that can negatively impact the relationship are put to rest. 

  • Recognizing And Acknowledging Emotions 

Acknowledging the emotions involved in surrogacy and managing expectations are critical. Both intended parents and surrogates should be realistic about what the surrogacy journey entails. It’s not always a straightforward path, and preparing for potential setbacks can help avoid disappointment.  

  • Supporting Intended Parents 

Challenges are given – partly by society’s expectations of parenting and the unique vantage point that a surrogate journey provides. Here are some of the emotions intending parents typically grapple with: 

  • Empathy 

Intending parents may feel empathy for the surrogate carrying their child. It’s crucial to understand that despite the best intentions, surrogacy may be risky, and the intending parents may feel responsible for the surrogate’s health and mental wellbeing. 

  • Guilt 

Some intending parents may feel guilty for not carrying their child. The surrogate’s decision to carry the child for someone else is a big sacrifice that brings about feelings of guilt and shame. 

  • Fear and Anxiety 

Intending parents may feel anxious and fearful about the process. Having a proper support system can help relieve some of the worries of surrogacy. 

  • Excitement 

Intending parents will undoubtedly feel excitement and anticipation. After all, surrogacy offers them the chance to be parents and, sometimes, grow their families. 

Programs can provide professional counselling services, peer support groups, and resources for stress management. They should feel validated in their emotions and reassured they’re not alone in this journey. 

  • Supporting the Surrogate 

Surrogates take on an incredible task. They need a supportive environment to help them handle the physical demands and emotional nuances of carrying someone else’s child. Surrogates experience a unique emotional journey during the surrogacy process. Here are some of the emotions that surrogates typically grapple with: 

  • Compassion 

Surrogates appreciate the hardship of infertility and realize that carrying a child for another family has less to do with being a surrogate and more to do with being a helper. 

  • Bonding 

Surrogates develop an emotional bond with the baby they carry and often report feeling responsible for the child’s welfare. This feeling can be challenging to balance with their agreement with the intended parents. 

  • Mistrust 

Surrogates may experience mistrust, particularly if they feel that the intended parents are overbearing in their demands. This mistrust can be amplified if they feel their boundaries are not respected. 

  • Anticipation 

Some may use surrogacy to stabilize their life financially, and some for the personal sense of fulfilment of helping someone make a family. Whatever the motivation, ensuring the surrogate’s wellbeing is prioritized and their rights protected is vital.  

  • Ensuring A Smooth Transition Post-Birth 

Creating a supportive community around surrogacy helps the intended parents and surrogates feel understood and connected. This network of shared experiences offers strength and solidarity, especially during difficult times. 

After the baby is born, ensuring a smooth transition for both parties dealing with many emotions is vital. The support should continue, assisting the intended parents in adjusting to parenthood and the surrogates coping with post-partum recovery.


The emotional journey of surrogacy is rich, intense, and varied for both intending parents and surrogates. As such, the support should be multifaceted, covering emotional, psychological, and practical aspects. Through empathy, understanding, and open communication, we can make the surrogacy journey smoother and more rewarding.